How are you? Fine. I'm fine now. Really! It's all good. I'm all sorted. Don't you worry about me. (Insert happy face).
Maybe for so many of us, that is how we live. Fine. Looking after those around us, getting by, dragging ourselves into bed at night, pretending we're tired so our partner doesn't touch us, returning the next day for more of the same. Fine. Not happy. Not cherishing. To ourselves, hollow, dry. Fine. Loveless. Unloving. But a good person, nevertheless.
Like a cake without icing, you can be well constructed, nice to eat – nice to be around. In fact tasty. But, after a while you feel yourself growing crumbly. Falling apart, in fact. Because you can't keep everything together. Because the joy isn't there.
So who is to blame?
The blame thing is quite interesting. Many of us to choose to blame our parents. Or bullies. And keep on blaming. And twenty years later, still as unhappy and miserable, keep on blaming them. Because to most of us, stuff happened in our childhood that leads to deep scarring later on. It is everything from deep continual abuse to a simple lack of love or neglect.
And if you really look at your parents, sometimes exactly what happened to you in your childhood happened to them. It's your legacy from them. We are all experts in our own particular field of misery.
So then. Why blame them? What does that achieve?
How were you last week? Did you feel just as shite? And the year before? What about five years before?
So if this flatness, this dullness has been with you forever, think about who you should blame. Are your parents as miserable as they were, as unloving as they were, if this is your past? Have they chosen to change?
What do you think of that? Do you respect them for what decisions they have made?
What are you going to do about it? Be sharp with your kids and angry with your partner because you are so frustrated? Create you in them? Pass the legacy on. Watch them as they leave home and don't want to come back. Just like you did.
Or you leave them and create the same circumstances wherever you go. Because if you don't know deep down that that will happen, there is only one person you are kidding.
How will that feel.
Learn to love yourself.
Don't keep yourself so busy that you never have to deal with yourself.
Take the time, spend the money you may be blessed with on specialists in this field, and confront your Self and the pain that stops you loving your Self.
Because you have it in you to be a the grandest most beautifully made cake with glorious icing that your children, your family, your friends and You will love and cherish forever more. .
..and never have enough of.